Youe rewards chart and how to use it in a fun way

I don't think there's any set way to do these things.
Find what fits in with your house and your kids and what's going on in your world.

But just to give you a few ideas.
If you wanted to do a weekly chart and if you can afford rewards every week then that's great, go for it.
If it ran from say Mon to Friday or which ever day you chose to end it on, and the child only had one box left to go. Grab a sticky note, put a smiley face in green or any another colour that is different in the last box, and write on the sticky note "An extra smile for doing one (state which ever one) of your jobs extremely well, so here's a free smiley"
Make something up something like, "here's a free smiley for simply saying thanks or putting your bag in a great place or your shoes etc etc".

It really can be what you want it to be, but the more positive fun stuff you do, may result in having to start doing daily rewards.

Sharing, how to break the bad habit

When ever a child is having a problem in one particular area, such as not sharing. It's a really good idea to find the cause before finding a solution. This way tackling the problem is far easier and much more pleasant for the entire family.

Strangely enough, the things that we try to teach our children from a very young age can actually have other outcomes that we just don't expect.

This is one example, which hopefully should help anybody to teach your child to share in a positive way.

I believe, as I think most people would do, that sharing is a good thing and all children should learn.

When teaching children to learn to share, it never seems to happen any other time than when it is needed. Such as when we see a child wanting a toy, and the child with the toy wont share, we talk about the need to share with others. After a short time we encourage the child to share or simply tell the child it's time to share and take it from them to share with the other child. I have done this a thousand times myself and I always thought that was all fine.

Until one day, a child walks up to another child and takes the toy from them, then says you have to share because you have had it for a long time.
Technically speaking that child has done exactly the right thing, because this is what that child has been taught to do. You may not see it that way, but it's true, think just a little while about it.
This is what may be happening with a million toddlers and a million 3year olds every day.

Now that we know a possible reason behind what is happening, we can now find a solution.
There are many things that can be done, but one way that I would recommend is to retrain a bad habit, which isn't that hard, it is a lot harder for adults to retrain believe it or not.

I would talk lots about what is happening (but not when it is actually happening) and explain in very simple short sentences with lots and lots and lots of positive words that "YOU" (your child) and I are going to work out how to use other toys for fun and how to share.
I say use the word "you", meaning your child because this is about him/her and not we, it's very important.
Talk compromise, such as bringing a toy to the other child to swap. He could offer a compromise with the other child about using the toy/s that he wants, such as a car, to play together. They could build a house with blocks that they could both use and share the car that way. Introduce more cars to the sharing experience.

Use your imagination write ideas down for yourself, but keep it really simple, simple enough that your child will 100% understand what your saying. Being two, three or four, may mean that if you introduce just one word that your child doesn't know, may give anything you say a whole new meaning, his/her interpretation in other words.

I hope this helps lots of people out there.

Chris.

The Best Tantrum Stopper Ever

Between the ages of 2 and 4 bring about the most amazing tantrums ever, one of the main reasons for a tantrum from a toddler is lack of communication between the toddler and the parent.
Finding what the cause of the tantrum is a great place to start and can usually lead the way in stopping a tantrum.

But what do you do if the tantrum continues?

There are many things that you can do, but this methods works about 9 out 10 times, which is a very high percentage considering most other methods work about 6 out of 10 times.

What to do.
For example, if a child wants something and you don't want them to have it, and you would rather them do something else, such as play with a doll, (to distract them form what ever it was you didn't want them to do).


Their first reaction is "TANTRUM" which of course is their way of getting what they want.
Now, here's the trick. After doing what ever it is you would normally do (as this may work straight away), which could be explaining that the thing they want is breakable and not a toy, or letting the child know the thing they want is already broken. When all that you normally do is done, simply and this is very simple, get your child to say "Yes". It doesn't matter what they yes to, just get them to say yes.

I shall explain in a little more detail.
Your child asks for a biscuit, you say (always speak with a calm, upbeat, happy voice) "would you like to play with your doll". The answer is probably going to be No. You could ask the same question again, with yet another No. Ask a totally different question, such as "do you want to ride your bike" yet another no. Another, "do you want to see nanny tomorrow, yes" and again another no (now adding a yes to your question). Ask another question, "do you want to go for a swing, yes", still another no. Keep going with the questions until you get a yes, it should take just 2 - 4 questions to get a yes. When you do get a yes such as "do you want ride your bike, yes", when your child says yes, you immediately you say in a very soft gentle voice, "ok let's go and play with your doll". Amazingly, they will do exactly what you have just asked them to do.

Why does this work?
Pretty simple really, a toddler (without understanding why) wants to be in charge of what is happening. Getting them to say yes to something, they now feel that they are in control and all you have to do is agree with them by saying ok. By saying Ok let's go play with the doll, they now believe that their request has been met, even though you made the request for them, they think that it's theirs. They now go and do what you want them to.

It's really just another form of redirection by changing the subject and giving them another option.
It also relies on the fact that their attention span is quite small at that age, and a few simple questions about their favourite things will distract them long enough to help them to forget what the tantrum was all about.

And of course don't forget that the word "Yes" is a very powerful and an extremely positive tool and can achieve the most amazing things in life, even for adults in an adult world.

Why don't they listen to me

One thing to keep in mind, when talking to a child about something that they have done wrong, is the fact that they actually may not even understand half the conversation that you have with them.
Don't get me wrong kids are truly smart. But sometimes all it takes is just one word that they don't understand or misinterpret, and the whole meaning of the conversation can change.

At work one day I had gone over to a child that had done something very minor, but even before I had reached him he started looking down as he though he was in trouble. So I said straight away "it's ok your not in trouble", and straight away he burst into tears. I figured out that he didn't understand the very simple word "not", so basically he heard "your in trouble".
I got to thinking about the word "not" and when you listen to people talking, we don't use that word a whole lot as we generally shorten it, Don't, Didn't, Cant, Hasn't etc etc, you get the picture.
It does change though, when a child is in trouble, what people usually say, instead of "don't" is "Do NOT do that again" and the word "not" has a whole new meaning, "NOT" is now, nearly always an anger word.
I've found that thinking about what I say when trying to talk to any aged child, really helps them to understand what is happening.

Big companies ripping us off

Ever noticed that it costs more to do the laundry now a days, than it did a few years ago.
Yes the prices have gone up, so yes it does cost more.

There is another reason why it costs so much more than it use to, the reason is this.
Companies that make laundry products, for example laundry liquid, the ones that provide you with a cap that is deep enough to put just the right amount into your load of washing.
Now what they have done over time, so you wont notice, is to increase to volume of the lid size. This will lead you to believe that you will still be using a full cap to do your washing.
It's the same for other products, nappy soaker, fabric softner.

How do I know this, well simple.
I had a bottle of fabric softener (Fluffy) that was quite a few years old, I could hardly read the label. I had always just bought refills. The cap volume was almost the same size as the fabric softener dispenser in the washing machine. Now, DW had bought a new bottle and the cap size was huge compared to the old one (I hadn't thrown the old bottle out yet, so I was able to compare).
To my amazement the new cap size held an extra 50% more than the old cap. It was only because I use the dispenser in the washing machine that I picked it up.

The same went for 2 well known nappy soaker lids, the difference was, I actually saw the difference in the change that was made in the cap size, they didn't do it gradually, it changed in the matter of a week.

I'm sure there are many many more companies that have done the same, but I havn't been able to see the others as I havn't used them.

If we look around I'm sure that we could find similar things that companies are trying to get us to use more of instead of putting up the price.

A few weeks ago, I had bought flea treatment for both my dog and cat, a very very expensive brand and very very good I might add.
I hadn't bought it for a few years (didn't have any really problems with fleas). Anyway, the directions stated that you need to repeat the treatment, every 3 to 6 months.
To my surprise it now states that it needs to be done EVERY MONTH.
What ever their reason for saying this is only something they know, but I'm sure it's to make more money.

If you read this, please tell others to be aware of what they use and how much.
I think it's time to start saving money for everybody.

Possible tip for taiming the Terrible Two's

Terrible two's are just that, terrible.
Why, well one of the main reasons why kids are like they are at this age is because they are starting to understand cause and effect.
Cause and effect is something children will learn, by themselves as they grow. The more they learn, the more thier curiosity grows, the more thier curiosity grows, the more they want to discover. Therefore the more things they get into or do.

Simple things that drive parents insane, like pulling all the pots and pans out of the cupboard, this can have many results.
1. Visual delight , while watching them all crash to the ground.

2. Fantastic sounds, the clanging and banging of the pots and pans as they bang against each other and then the floor.

3. Attention, the yell from a parent, saying what the hell was that, or something similar, may be a form of attention, not needing it but attention all the same. Also if they think the parent will laugh, then why not get a response, it makes them feel good.

There are so many things that a child may feel when they do things, or want to feel, that it is impossible to list them all, if they are were known at all.

Sometimes a child's need are not so much to drive you insane, but more about wanting and seeking new and amazing things to do. Even doing thier favourite thing over and over again.

Stimulating cause and affect may help getting through the terrible two's.

The power of "POSITIVE NO"

In a previous post about the word "NO" Power of NO , I write about the negative affects that the word "no" can have.
Positve "NO" on the other hand is a very important word to not only use but to comprehend. Understanding "no" in a positive way will help a child to gain a feeling of trust, self learning and self worth.
By simply asking a child if the sky is purple or is that flower blue (when its red),
will quickly teach a child that "NO" is a good word to use, and can actually make you feel good about yourself, such as "Are you sad today"? A required answer would be of course "No, I'm happy today". The word "NO" in this case is very uplifting and positive.
If the child knows the word as a negative, the question "Are you sad today"? Would be responded with a firm "NO", with nothing else added to it. If the same child was sad, and knew that you were looking for an answer such as "NO", that child may respond something like "No I'm not sad", "Not" being another negative. That same child may also respond with a firm "YES" and nothing else.
A child that is sad and uses positives to talk, will more than likely respond with "Yes I am sad today".

Baby arrival announcement

Better late than never I suppose , but I really should give a mention to the newest edition to my family.
Her name is Willow Paige.
Born 28th april 2006.

Toilet Training Update

As I had written in a previous post ( http://bright-people.blogspot.com/2006/03/toilet-training.html , it seems that I was right about my daughter and what many parents have stated before. On the third of july, or there abouts, Skye, who is 2 years 7 months old, told us that she needed to do a wee, and then indicated that she wanted her nappy off. So we took off her nappy and she went to the toilet and to our amazement she did her first wee on the toilet.
We then proceeded to follow that up with a roaring congratulations and lots of cheers and clapping and what ever else we could think of to encourage her to keep doing what she had just done. Mind you though, we didn't encourage her with treats such as biscuits or chocolates, just a lot of well dones and that how awesome we thought she was.
At the moment though, she doesn't seem to have any sensation when about to do a poo, so she still has accidents in that respect. At night time it's the same thing, she is not waking up needing to go to the toilet, but we suspect that will happen gradually so we use pull ups, which is something that I was very much against as I thought that may hold her back from using the toilet during the day, but now that I understand the no sensation thing at night, Skye knows that there is a difference between pullups and a nappy and has accepted them quite well.

Tip to settle your baby

I discovered this with my first baby, when she was about 3 months old, and I use it quite a bit with my new baby.
Ok here's my tip...........This hard to describe, I think. If I could draw pics I would, but I can only draw stick people lol.
Oh, before my tip I must say that all other things that can be done to stop a baby from crying should very much be looked at, such as hunger, something sticking in bub (pin, clothes tag etc), and a load of other things.But if you can't find out why baby won't stop crying, this may help, it works all the time for me, not just my own kids, but also other parents that I have shown this too, has worked as well.
Firstly, when holding baby, your baby will be laying long ways in your arms, with baby's head in the palms of your hands.Place your elbows on your tummy, holding them there in a comfortable position (I have no idea how this would go if you are pregnant), your baby's leg should be pointing up towards your chin, leaving the bottom to sit between your tummy and your chest.The most important of all is your arm movement (speed and height will vary from baby to baby, my first daughter liked bigger ups and downs, while my second daughter likes tiny movements), the only part of the arms that move are the lower arms, the upper arms stay in the same position. All that is left to do now is rock up and down. I think this works because it has the motion of a bouncer, but with the added human touch.I hope I have made my description easy enough to understand. Good luck and hope this can really help.

Baa Baa WHAT sheep ?????????

What a funny world we live. A harmless nursery rhyme turns into a major racist learning tool.
What the hell am I talking about you may ask.
Well, the nursery rhyme in question is "Baa Baa Black Sheep". No need to point out the intolerable racist remark in the title. It's now called "Baa Baa Rainbow Sheep". Excuse me while I cough up a lung with laughter, and at the same time, pull out every single strand of hair (whatever is left up there that is) on my head in total bewilderment and frustration, at the absolute stupidity of the clown or clowns that decided that they know what children think or how their logic works.
While I catch my breath. I'm going to let you take in what I have just said.






Ok, that should be enough time to absorb it all.
Now, firstly, the words BLACK SHEEP, do not in any way what so ever refer to anything in the entire universe other than, yep you guessed it a damn black sheep.
The nursery rhyme originated some 900 years ago and was about black sheep's wool, was less useful and worth less. BLAH BLAH BLAH, the story is long and arduous and had nothing what so ever to do with racism, more to the point, try to explain the origin of the nursery rhyme to a toddler.
Now to the most important point of all, children are NOT racist, until they are taught otherwise.
RACISM is NOT a genetic condition, it's a stupid condition. You CANNOT be born racist. It's impossible.
It is a proven fact that children as old as 5 will play with a group of children from all sorts of different cultures, races, different colours, different everything, and they will continue to play with each other until they are told that the child that they are playing with is white, black, green, purple, shorter, taller or what ever the difference is.
When will people learn that there is only one race. That race incase your unaware is simply........

The Human Race.

Toilet Training

This would have to be one of the hardest things to teach a child, close to impossible I reckon.
There are so many different methods of toilet training out there, that a first time parent like me has no option but to do a lot more research as to what works best.
My findings come from probably the best source possible, other parents.
After reading forum after forum after forum about what parents have tried and what parents have succeeded with, we decided to try toilet training with our daughter, after lots of puddles here and there, we decided that nothing we did worked. Thinking about the failure of toilet training our daughter, I started wondering if there was a reason why it didn't work, a whole new form of investigation got under way.
The first thing to do was to find out what my daughter was thinking, e.g. scared of the toilet (too high, too noisy or whatever else it may be), there was no apparent fear of anything to do with the toilet itself.
So, back to reading I went, and this is when I seemed to find a pattern with what most parents were saying. "We tried for so long to get our daughter/son to go to the toilet, but he/she didn't want anything to do with it". "Then one day out of the blue, the nappy/diaper/underwear came off and he/she went to the toilet all by him/her self".
This sentence and those like it, gave me an idea. The idea was to put just underwear on my daughter and watch her for a sign that she needed to go to the toilet. For two hours I sat down watching every move and every facial expression, then it happened, she did a wee, there was no indication what so ever from her, that she knew what was about to happen. As an adult we get the sensation of needing to go to the toilet, then we act upon that sensation, by going to the toilet.
So, it seems that for a child to be toilet trained they MUST first have that sensation of what is about to happen, without that sensation, there is no point in even trying to toilet train kids.
From what I've read, the child will tell you, or let you know that their ready for toilet training.
My daughter (2 years 3 months) hasn't shown any signs as yet, but if my research is right, she will let us know.

Trust in them

Have to love that old saying "How can our kids become trustworthy if we don't learn to trust them".
I find that at the age of 2 years old, teaching the value of trust to my daughter is a vital part of learning for her.
Simple things such as using the DVD player and not scratching the DVD's themselves is both instilling trust and another important learning skill, independence.
Teaching your kids to do everything that you think that they can do, and even having a go at the things that you think that they can't do, will begin the process of kids learning that they can be trusted with everything that they do. When a child attempts do something, such as using a DVD player and makes a mistake, the best thing to do is to suggest to them to try again, or show them again how to do it.
Getting angry at a child for making a mistake will only lead to them not wanting to learn and even though they don't understand it, will not feel that your trust in them is really there.

Fall For Life

One of the most dangerous obstacles that a child will undertake while growing up, is FALLING. Whether it be falling from a chair, or simply toppling over while learning to walk.
As dangerous as it may seem, this falling over stuff is one of the most important lessons that they will learn, not just as a baby, learning to sit upright, but right through to the end of toddlerhood. It is also very important for the adult for a number of reasons, one of which is freeing up time, not being beside a child for every second and ready to catch him/her as they are about to fall.
There are a number of reasons why falling is such an important part of learning and of life in general.

1. When a baby sits for the first time, neurons in the child's brain make new connections to each other, developing the brain to greater heights (this is a process that starts happening from birth, neurons are connected to each other every time something new is learnt, literally millions of neurons are connected). When a baby falls, you guessed it, neurons are connected. If a child is held back from falling, neurons will not be connected, and may be delayed for some time.
2. When babies fall, they are learning that it hurts, and with this new found feeling of pain they will eventually learn to put their hands out the either stop from falling or to cushion the fall. Developing reflexes and their co-ordination (balance).
3. Catching a child before they fall, may lead to becoming dependent on the parent to always be their. As hard as it is, watching a child fall, then encouraging them to get up by themselves is far more beneficial to both the child and parent, for the parent it's not having to worry so much that their child might fall, it is replaced with "I hate seeing my little one fall, but I'm confident that she/he has learnt to fall and can pick her/him self up without a great deal of fuss".

Haircut Havoc

Today at 2 years and 1 month old, Skye (my daughter has had her 10th haircut, yep that's not a misprint. 10 haircuts and the age of a little over 2.
I have heard so many horror stories about a child getting a haircut, and Tracy and I did have our fair share of yelling and screaming from Skye in the early stages of hair cutting.
Her first Haircut was at four months, and what an insane job that was. If she could of, she would have torn down the whole salon.
I don't think there's any magic cure for this, I think it would be something like, being tied up and for me to made to eat liver or something like that.
One thing we had tried while getting a haircut was with a bottle of milk, it worked for most of the time, and for those times that it didn't work, distracting her with one of the hairdressers hair clips, worked very well ( for about 3 or 4 minutes).
One thing I have noticed, is that the last two times her hair had been cut (the last cut was today), she just sat there for the entire 15 to 20 minutes.
Skye isn't the super child that is totally behaved in every situation, she's just a regular everyday kid (the most beautiful though).
I think the reason why she sat for so long, was the regular visits there, now every six weeks. It has also been different hair stylists too, so this isn't a factor.
I think most kids that only have a small amount of hair don't get use to it quite so quickly, as they may go to the hairdressers, only 2 or 3 times by the age of 2.
It looks as though patience and time is the best fix for this little problem of getting a haircut.

King For A Day

Have you ever seen a parent yell at their child, well, ummmmmmmmm, just because they can, just because there the parent and the child has little choice but to be yelled at. And the majority of yelling is usually so miniscule of importance, that the yelling did not achieve anything except upset the child. By miniscule I mean, being yelled at because the child had turned the TV to another channel or something as simple as yelling with joy ( that something the child had pleased him/her self with) while the parent was trying ever so hard to watch the news.
I have been told by many parents that no matter how good your parenting skills are, and all the other things to raise a child, you will eventually need to yell at your child, even if it's for your own sanity, you will need to yell.
Before Having a child of my own, I didn't really want to believe that I would be a parent who needed to yell occassionly. Well I do a little bit of raising my voice, but I'm very lucky, in the sense that each time that I'm about to yell at my daughter, for running towards the road or going near the hot oven, or even drawing on the wall with a felt tip pen, I have the ability to stop and think what I'm about to say, before I say it. I still yell but it's very controlled and the after response of clarifying why (I was yelling) is very positive and very fast. Positive ! Because if I show her (what ever the problem is), in a calm voice, and tell her that it's ok, she may learn from it.
The reason why I can act the way I do is something that I've imbeded very deep within me, and that is, that I will ALWAYS love and respect my daughter for every second of every day for as long as I live.
Sure I've heard alot of parents say that they feel the same way, but then they go and say something like "I hate you, I wish you were never born". Yeah that's extreme, but believe me, there's a hell of alot of parents that say that exact phrase.
If you, as a parent, at any time yell at your kids for what ever reason, smack them (to hard), swear at them, embarrass them, abuse them or tragically the most common of all, neglect them. Please take a moment to think for awhile about what is written below. This is how I think everyday, which is why I can never ever harm my wonderful daughter.


You have a son and you have just found out that (for what ever reason) your son has only 24 hours to live.
For the next 24 hours how would you treat your son. I'm betting that you would treat your son like a KING. I would imagine that you would shower him with all the hugs, kisses and "I love you's" that you could ever possibly give.
The love and respect of your son would reach immeasurable heights and absolutely nothing that he did was wrong, or could be seen as wrong in your eyes. I'm guessing that everything that he ever wanted was miraculously before him, to make him laugh and cry with joy.
All the while, you've forgotten all about the vase that he broke last month, which was dealt with, with a searing smack on his bum, one of which actually hurt your own hand. You have also forgotten all about the pain and agony of giving birth, that you so kindly remind your son, how much it hurt when you brought him into your life, time and time again.
Nothing else matters for at least the next 24 hours. It's all about a your little boy, just him, your son, the one thing in your life that you treasure so very much.

With all this in mind, this is how you should feel about your child, EVERY, SINGLE, MINUTE, of every single day, for the rest of his/her life.

The Power Of "NO"

The word "no" is an immensely powerful word, but just who has the power, the parents or the kids.
I have seen many a parent tell their children "no" from the moment they could move about, the reason for this is to stop a child from climbing on a cabinet that may fall on them, or from stopping a child touching the hot oven, basically to stop the child from coming to any harm. What ever the word no is used for, the child has learnt the word no from a very very early age. The first three words that alot of children say is mum, dad, and no. Why is this, well it's quite obvious, those three words are repeated to them more than any other word.
Many of the parents, that I have mentioned above, have a strange response to a child that says no to them, for instance, "put your toys away please", the child responds with, a very firm "NO", the parents reaction is usually, "don't you dare say no to me" or something similar.
The anger from the parent is very obvious, and to the child may be thinking a number of different things.
What ever the child is thinking from this reaction, could be anger, sadness, or even fear. The one thing that the child wont be thinking is "but you taught me how to say NO", a child's logic doesn't work in the same manner as an adults logic does.
When it comes down to it, the child has been taught to say no by the parents themselves, so why does a parent get angry about something that they have taught the child to say. Answer, very simple, the parent does not want to lose the power of being in charge, and also has forgotten where the child has picked up the word no from.
I was talking to a friend of mine who had just had a baby, I was talking to her about how I thought about the word no, her reply was, "I will be teaching my child the word "NO" from the very start, I replied "what if your child one day says no to you", She said my child would never dare to say "no" to me.
That pretty much ended the discussion, as I left it right where it was, THE NEED TO BE DOMINANT.
There is a few problems with this state of mind, I will just speak about just one of the main issues.
If a child grows and would never dare to say "NO" to his/her parents through the fear of what may happen as a consequence. That same child may never be able to talk to his/her parents about an issue of the utmost importance, such as falling pregnant or putting a dent in the family car. Why ? FEAR.

Please and Thankyou

Please and thankyou seem to be one of the most repeated phrases that a child will hear from their parents.
In order to teach manners to a child, a parent responds to child that has asked for a drink of water of something of that kind, with "please". This is said to encourage the child to use manners.
While there is nothing wrong with this theory of teaching manners to children, consider this for just a moment.
Kids have a habit of copying everything they hear, especially from their parents, as a child sees and hears more from them than any other person. Now think about how often an adult says please or thankyou. I have watched so many parents ask their children to politely do something, but many times, the request was asked without a please, and when it was done, no thankyou either (most of the time of course there was a please and a thankyou).
Considering a child copies nearly everything parents do, a child not hearing a please and thankyou all the time, will of course copy what they have heard, this is nothing like how an adult would think, in the sense of "they didn't say it so why should I", this is just purely and simply copying.
How can we avoid this from happening, well one thing I did, was to stop asking my daughter for a please or a thankyou for nearly everything, with just the occasional mention of it.
The reason why I thought of trying this was quite simple. It was obvious to me that when she had learnt a word such as cat, more, again or car, she had retained those words for ever, so I figured that if she had learnt those words and said them without prompting, then please and thankyou are no different.
Turns out that the theory has worked and she now (at the age of 2 years 1 month) says please and thankyou, not all the time though, but she does say it without any prompting.
Another way to get a child to use these words would to be mindful of how often you use the words yourself, if possible use them every single time.
Or possibly, don't expect a please or thankyou from your child with every request that they make, if they do use please or thankyou without prompting, make the biggest deal about it possible, just to show how well the child has done. You will find that the encouragement will improve the use of these words.

Traumatized.

On one particular day in December 2003, it proved to be the most traumatic day of my life.
Tracy started getting contractions, so off to the hospital we went, we got there with no problems at all. The nurse suggested to me that I should go home, as nothing was going to happen for awhile, so I did, I got home and the phone rang, it was the nurse telling to come back. I arrived at the hospital and stepped into the elevator, I pressed the third floor button and the elevator replied with floor floor floor one one one, I straight away thought "what the". The elevator didn't move and the fear of missing the birth of my baby was becoming very real.
It felt like five minutes had passed, but in reality, it was about five seconds. I did get to see the birth of my baby, which was the most amazing time of my life. As for the most traumatic day of my life, the elevator incident wasn't it.
The most traumatic time of my life was when it came time to change the first nappy, I couldn't believe the smell, and how in the hell is it possible that something that awful colour and that hideous, could come out something so wonderful and beautiful.
That there ends the story of the most traumatic time of my life.
Have a happy and safe NEW YEAR.

Two hands but five fingers

Watching kids learning to count is quite amusing. Older kids who have learnt to count up to say, twenty, have really gained alot of confidence in doing this quite well. With the occasional "I forgot what's next", or that very funny withdrawn look of nothingness, which is suppose to indicate to the person who is intently listening to their counting prowess, that "I forgot what's next, can you pleeeeeeeeease give me hint".
Then comes the really confident child that counts so fast (I expect that it's a form of showing off or more than likely "I'm real good, listen to what I can do"), that when they get up to about fifteen, sixteen, seventeen or there abouts, that the words become totally muddled and don't sound like much at all.
But usually with a bit of prompting, to slow down a little, that they can get it right, with ease.
I have spoken to many a parent about how well their child can count using fingers.
When the parent holds up a hand and displays a certain amount of fingers, for instance, lets say four, the child will count them, this age can be at about four to five years old, but at a younger age of anywhere between two and four, a child may just look at what is being held up and say the answer. At this stage most children will get it right nearly every time.
One thing I do talk to parents about is trying a little test, this involves holding up fingers and asking the child to say how many there are. The next part of the test (assuming that the child can continuously get the first part right), is to hold two fingers up on one hand and at the same time hold three fingers up on the other hand, placing the two hands side by side.
Of course all kids are different, and responses will vary, but in general a child of aound the age of two to three, maybe four, will respond with a two, three or the most common one that I found, is nothing at all.
This isn't to say that a child can't count, it's more likely to assume that the child has gotten very use to a parent or who ever, holding fingers up on one hand, and not actually counting but knowing to answer from memory. This goes without saying that the child isn't lazy, it's just that their logic is not even close to being the same as an adults logic.
Keep in mind though, that this is by no means a problem of any type what so ever, its just the way it is, that's how it was for me and for everybody else in the world I expect.
So why would I bother mentioning it, if it's not a problem you might ask ?
Well I'm glad you asked. Teaching a child different ways of doing the same task, may help to broaden their ability to work out every day problems that a child encounters. For example, a toy is stuck behind the leg of a chair and it won't come out, to an adult the answer is simple, move the toy in the opposite direction where there is lots of room to get it out. To the child it must be very frustrating that it won't come out, if shown different ways of doing things, it may just help, even if it helps just a little.

Clarity of speech

After watching kids for so long, one of the many thousands of things that I couldn't realise, was the language development. Since my daughter came along, I was able to understand a great deal more, with the ways that their words form and are put together.
I can only comment on my own daughter, as I have been able to see things happen and develop every day. Getting past all the gurgling and the ooohs and arrrrs that children make, came her first words, well sort of words anyway. At the age of about 11 months, she began to make noises and gestures, all of which were sounds that she was trying so hard to turn into words, words that I believe were words, that to her were vital communication words.
Her first word was car, at the time we had no idea why it was car, but it was.
Why I say vital communication words, is because, the words that were to follow, was her way of saying what she wanted. I soon discovered that "car" was all about telling us that she wanted to go for a ride, or go for a ride to the shops.
The words that followed were Mum and Dad, more vital communication words that covered just about anything within the entire house that she wanted, food, toys, bottle etc.
There were a few words that she learnt along the way, such as cat, dog, chair etc, but these weren't vital words, as her urgency and her expressions were quite different.
Two more clear and distinct words soon followed, they were "more" and "again" (pronounced agen). All of these words, were very firmly encouraged in the hope that more words would follow. I think repetition was the key here. More words did follow, many more words.
Now at the age of two years, her vocabulary is rising rapidly, with the use of plurals as well.
I must say though that my daughter is by no means gifted or better than any other child, she is just like any other kid, my wife and I just happen to have the time to spend many many hours a day with her, not just education, but simple things like playing with her toy animals, or just building a house with her blocks (singing a made up tune as we go).
It's all education of course, but at different levels, from playing games to teaching her to count for instance.
All of which are done with some kind of fun involved.
It is very important to note, that by the time they are three or four, they have learnt a massive amount of words, of which only a handful of words are actually comprehended.
If this is so, why don't we pick it up ?
The simple answer is, (as it was for me), it appears to us that all the words children say, is a result of learning. When we think of learning for ourselves, we read a new word and comprehend it straight away, so we feel that when a child has learnt a new word the same goes for them. But unfortunately for the most part, a child has simply learnt a new word, without comprehending it. Comprehension of new words, comes at a later stage.
As for their "vital communication words", they can't possibly comprehend what they have said, they just know, that if they say a word (that they have learnt), it will give them their desired reaction from the parents and they get what they want. For instance, a young child asks for a bottle of milk, sure the child knows that he or she is hungry, and all they care about is getting something for it. The word bottle has only one meaning, and that is to feed me, they don't care about what a bottle is, just what's in it.
Many more posts about language to come in the near future.

Kids are who they are or maybe not !!!!!!!!!

For many many years, Ive been studying parents and their kids. I didn't attend any schools, universities or do-it-yourself home courses. I just sat back and watched the way parents interacted with their kids, and how the kids would react to the situation at hand.
For example, a parent would ask a child to pick up the toys that he/she was playing with.
Now depending on his/her age and many many other factors. The child may react with a small tantrum and refuse to do what was asked of him/her.
Why and what caused this reaction.
To answer this question is pretty hard, as I would need to know a few things first, an obvious one would be the the childs age, is he/she old enough to understand the concept of responsibility and is he/she old enough to understand that the toys really needed to be put away (for what ever reason).
Then I would have to know about the parents or parent, their parenting skills, working more than they really should, neglect, abuse, not enough attention, too much attention, and so many other things relating to bringing up kids.
Generally, knowing the exact answer, is probably not going to happen.
The question is though, (and it's a question that I have puzzled over for many years), would the child have reacted differently with say a bigger tantrum, or done what he/she was asked, and picked up the toys quite willingly, IF the child had been raised differently.
I have never been really sure if a child was who he/she was, no matter how he/she was raised. I have always leaned towards the idea that, a child is always going to be themselves, no matter what, and if that child was going to grow up to be an angry type of person, then a good parent may have been able to take the edge off of the badness, by showing a huge amount of love and affection.
After having my own child at the age of 36, my daughter is now 2. I still wonder how she would have been in the hands of a couple that continuously argued.
In the years that I have been with my wife, we have not once had and arguement, a fight or even a dissagreement.
My daughter is extremely happy, and I truly believe that not seeing any anger or sadness from her parents, that this has helped to make her this way.
To go to the far end of the scale though, if she was an abused child, be it mentally or sexually, I believe that she would be a totally different person.
While still retaining her genetics and characteristics as her own person.
Is she really who she is, or have we moulded her into being who she is ?
I guess I will never ever really know for sure.