Traumatized.

On one particular day in December 2003, it proved to be the most traumatic day of my life.
Tracy started getting contractions, so off to the hospital we went, we got there with no problems at all. The nurse suggested to me that I should go home, as nothing was going to happen for awhile, so I did, I got home and the phone rang, it was the nurse telling to come back. I arrived at the hospital and stepped into the elevator, I pressed the third floor button and the elevator replied with floor floor floor one one one, I straight away thought "what the". The elevator didn't move and the fear of missing the birth of my baby was becoming very real.
It felt like five minutes had passed, but in reality, it was about five seconds. I did get to see the birth of my baby, which was the most amazing time of my life. As for the most traumatic day of my life, the elevator incident wasn't it.
The most traumatic time of my life was when it came time to change the first nappy, I couldn't believe the smell, and how in the hell is it possible that something that awful colour and that hideous, could come out something so wonderful and beautiful.
That there ends the story of the most traumatic time of my life.
Have a happy and safe NEW YEAR.

Two hands but five fingers

Watching kids learning to count is quite amusing. Older kids who have learnt to count up to say, twenty, have really gained alot of confidence in doing this quite well. With the occasional "I forgot what's next", or that very funny withdrawn look of nothingness, which is suppose to indicate to the person who is intently listening to their counting prowess, that "I forgot what's next, can you pleeeeeeeeease give me hint".
Then comes the really confident child that counts so fast (I expect that it's a form of showing off or more than likely "I'm real good, listen to what I can do"), that when they get up to about fifteen, sixteen, seventeen or there abouts, that the words become totally muddled and don't sound like much at all.
But usually with a bit of prompting, to slow down a little, that they can get it right, with ease.
I have spoken to many a parent about how well their child can count using fingers.
When the parent holds up a hand and displays a certain amount of fingers, for instance, lets say four, the child will count them, this age can be at about four to five years old, but at a younger age of anywhere between two and four, a child may just look at what is being held up and say the answer. At this stage most children will get it right nearly every time.
One thing I do talk to parents about is trying a little test, this involves holding up fingers and asking the child to say how many there are. The next part of the test (assuming that the child can continuously get the first part right), is to hold two fingers up on one hand and at the same time hold three fingers up on the other hand, placing the two hands side by side.
Of course all kids are different, and responses will vary, but in general a child of aound the age of two to three, maybe four, will respond with a two, three or the most common one that I found, is nothing at all.
This isn't to say that a child can't count, it's more likely to assume that the child has gotten very use to a parent or who ever, holding fingers up on one hand, and not actually counting but knowing to answer from memory. This goes without saying that the child isn't lazy, it's just that their logic is not even close to being the same as an adults logic.
Keep in mind though, that this is by no means a problem of any type what so ever, its just the way it is, that's how it was for me and for everybody else in the world I expect.
So why would I bother mentioning it, if it's not a problem you might ask ?
Well I'm glad you asked. Teaching a child different ways of doing the same task, may help to broaden their ability to work out every day problems that a child encounters. For example, a toy is stuck behind the leg of a chair and it won't come out, to an adult the answer is simple, move the toy in the opposite direction where there is lots of room to get it out. To the child it must be very frustrating that it won't come out, if shown different ways of doing things, it may just help, even if it helps just a little.

Clarity of speech

After watching kids for so long, one of the many thousands of things that I couldn't realise, was the language development. Since my daughter came along, I was able to understand a great deal more, with the ways that their words form and are put together.
I can only comment on my own daughter, as I have been able to see things happen and develop every day. Getting past all the gurgling and the ooohs and arrrrs that children make, came her first words, well sort of words anyway. At the age of about 11 months, she began to make noises and gestures, all of which were sounds that she was trying so hard to turn into words, words that I believe were words, that to her were vital communication words.
Her first word was car, at the time we had no idea why it was car, but it was.
Why I say vital communication words, is because, the words that were to follow, was her way of saying what she wanted. I soon discovered that "car" was all about telling us that she wanted to go for a ride, or go for a ride to the shops.
The words that followed were Mum and Dad, more vital communication words that covered just about anything within the entire house that she wanted, food, toys, bottle etc.
There were a few words that she learnt along the way, such as cat, dog, chair etc, but these weren't vital words, as her urgency and her expressions were quite different.
Two more clear and distinct words soon followed, they were "more" and "again" (pronounced agen). All of these words, were very firmly encouraged in the hope that more words would follow. I think repetition was the key here. More words did follow, many more words.
Now at the age of two years, her vocabulary is rising rapidly, with the use of plurals as well.
I must say though that my daughter is by no means gifted or better than any other child, she is just like any other kid, my wife and I just happen to have the time to spend many many hours a day with her, not just education, but simple things like playing with her toy animals, or just building a house with her blocks (singing a made up tune as we go).
It's all education of course, but at different levels, from playing games to teaching her to count for instance.
All of which are done with some kind of fun involved.
It is very important to note, that by the time they are three or four, they have learnt a massive amount of words, of which only a handful of words are actually comprehended.
If this is so, why don't we pick it up ?
The simple answer is, (as it was for me), it appears to us that all the words children say, is a result of learning. When we think of learning for ourselves, we read a new word and comprehend it straight away, so we feel that when a child has learnt a new word the same goes for them. But unfortunately for the most part, a child has simply learnt a new word, without comprehending it. Comprehension of new words, comes at a later stage.
As for their "vital communication words", they can't possibly comprehend what they have said, they just know, that if they say a word (that they have learnt), it will give them their desired reaction from the parents and they get what they want. For instance, a young child asks for a bottle of milk, sure the child knows that he or she is hungry, and all they care about is getting something for it. The word bottle has only one meaning, and that is to feed me, they don't care about what a bottle is, just what's in it.
Many more posts about language to come in the near future.

Kids are who they are or maybe not !!!!!!!!!

For many many years, Ive been studying parents and their kids. I didn't attend any schools, universities or do-it-yourself home courses. I just sat back and watched the way parents interacted with their kids, and how the kids would react to the situation at hand.
For example, a parent would ask a child to pick up the toys that he/she was playing with.
Now depending on his/her age and many many other factors. The child may react with a small tantrum and refuse to do what was asked of him/her.
Why and what caused this reaction.
To answer this question is pretty hard, as I would need to know a few things first, an obvious one would be the the childs age, is he/she old enough to understand the concept of responsibility and is he/she old enough to understand that the toys really needed to be put away (for what ever reason).
Then I would have to know about the parents or parent, their parenting skills, working more than they really should, neglect, abuse, not enough attention, too much attention, and so many other things relating to bringing up kids.
Generally, knowing the exact answer, is probably not going to happen.
The question is though, (and it's a question that I have puzzled over for many years), would the child have reacted differently with say a bigger tantrum, or done what he/she was asked, and picked up the toys quite willingly, IF the child had been raised differently.
I have never been really sure if a child was who he/she was, no matter how he/she was raised. I have always leaned towards the idea that, a child is always going to be themselves, no matter what, and if that child was going to grow up to be an angry type of person, then a good parent may have been able to take the edge off of the badness, by showing a huge amount of love and affection.
After having my own child at the age of 36, my daughter is now 2. I still wonder how she would have been in the hands of a couple that continuously argued.
In the years that I have been with my wife, we have not once had and arguement, a fight or even a dissagreement.
My daughter is extremely happy, and I truly believe that not seeing any anger or sadness from her parents, that this has helped to make her this way.
To go to the far end of the scale though, if she was an abused child, be it mentally or sexually, I believe that she would be a totally different person.
While still retaining her genetics and characteristics as her own person.
Is she really who she is, or have we moulded her into being who she is ?
I guess I will never ever really know for sure.